Deep Water Intimacy..

I was swimming the other day as I have been almost everyday since we arrived in Hawaii. Jay body boards and my challenge to myself is to swim in the ocean the whole time he's out. You see, I'm not an expert swimmer, I have to hold my nose under water if that gives you a sense. I've been a water lover my whole life and love to be in it. About one tourist dies in the water every week here in Hawaii. I have great reverence and respect for the water. The other day I put on mask and snorkel so I could swim like others and ventured out into the deep deep water. A big set of waves came and although I was probably fine, I got gripped with fear, couldn't breathe and my muscles began to feel as if I couldn't control them. I managed to get myself into the shallow water and thought "I'm getting out and I'll never do that again." Then my moms voice popped in, "Honey if you fall off get right back on the horse or you never will." So I stayed in. That day and the three days following I stayed in the shallow water. But on the fourth day I headed for the great deep blue, took my time, stayed relaxed, and let the waves wash over me. I had a very large earth mama sea turtle look at me, swim up close, and I swam with her for a time-suspended surreal life experience as she lead me through the coral reefs. Had I shut down out of fear I couldn't of had that very rich experience. It is dangerous. That's why it reminds me of love. So many people say love hurts, I can't open all the way I will get hurt, I'm only in 100% if I know it will work out. Well, I say "always get back on the horse" Great beauty and treasured moments happen in vulnerable raw intimacy. Is it dangerous? Hell yes. Better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. More people suffer from loneliness than die of broken hearts. And I say if it didn't work, there is something better just around the corner if you're willing to get in the deep water.