Twice in my life I have gotten to the point of not caring if I lived or died, often wishing for death to be thrust upon me. Both times I was overworked and had made life too big. I turned to addiction, once many years ago with alcoholism, and once to compulsive overeating/food addiction, to avoid the truth that something had to change. I've spent hours making myself wrong for not being to be able to make it in what I refer to as the RAT RACE. You see, for this stubborn ol' cuss it takes a whole lot of pain to surrender, move through the fear, and lean into my own truth and values. So a new path begins, beyond addiction, beyond the RAT RACE, living my dreams in alignment with my values and needs. Life is too precious to waste and frankly I'm too dramatic not to enjoy it, I would really rather die than live a deadbeat life.
P.S. Having fun people to play with is oh so important. Jay and I on home-made teeter totters at Cronkite Beach in Nor Cal.