I do the work I do because I need it. They say we teach what we best need to learn. I could share my family of origin- mom -dad- stuff but they are private and I care to be connected and loved by them. It started there but I have plenty of my own to talk about. My relationship course"Self Mastery in Relationship" was named that because I realized this over time:
Being a person with zero boundaries, my mo was to please you at all costs. That meant you would like me, that meant you wouldn’t leave me, that meant no conflict or rage. For me it also meant shutting down, resentment, mistrust, hurt and avoiding the pain through addiction. I could do anything for you as long as I was invisible. I did this so long I became an expert at meeting your needs, mine weren’t valid, if I had any I didn’t know what they were or I was ashamed I needed anything.
As I started to do work on co-dependency I started to be very disappointed in humanity thinking there are just no good people out there. Why can’t I find people who treat me the way I treat them. That was a time of great healing for myself but a very lonely time. I really didn’t trust anyone, trust is one of my core wounds.
Self mastery came about when I realized the only way to be wide open, vulnerable, authentic, and able to be unleashed in love was to realize I could trust myself in relationship. We can not control other people places or things. But you see the mistrust I really had wasn’t of others, it was of myself. It's really a selfish form of dishonesty to avoid loneliness, loss or grief. So when you get really ok with who you are, your comfortable in your own skin, you trust that you know your own needs, you trust you will stay and go when needed. You can start inspiring, requesting, teaching others how to treat you. You can actually set others up to when with you. And when you are very self aware and clear you can exit harmful situations and make better choices. This is where deep love and trust come from. If we are waiting for the perfect family, friends, lovers, kids, well it may be a hard wait. But if we are open, wild, raw, honest, speak out for ourselves, validate our own needs, be kind and generous to ourselves and others we can enjoy the imperfection of other humans. The only thing we can really master in relationship is ourselves. What is self mastery exactly? It is when you are present and aware enough as your moments unfold to never abandon you, to be with yourself as you interact and to stay wide open knowing you can course correct along the way.
Loving in self mastery is an ever evolving unfolding job. One that for me has been rich and rewarding. the intimacy I have today with others is beyond what I’ve ever imagined or read about.
At this time I cannot even send you to a self mastery in relationship webpage, this is a course I teach nationwide that is by private invite only. so if your ready to dive in deep to you and your relationships we will start with a talk, a relationship diagnostic session if you will. Give me a call personally 415-887-9746