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I’m writing you today, sitting next to a beautiful creek bed. Real camping! No showers, no water, there is an outhouse, but I pee in the creek. Yes, this girl truly loves the outdoors. My desire was to have some commune with nature, some adventure, some solitude. Starting out in the SoCal coastal madness left me wanting and irritated. I actually love being in nature, with no cars wizzing by, people shopping, and busy energy everywhere. It can be fun, but not in a needed time of refuge and retreat. We headed for the hills through Fort Hunter-Ligget army base. Hitting degrees of 100 I began to wonder why we left the comfort of family, routine, and a home base. But watching all the army tents and men in uniform inspired my curiosity about people’s lives, so different than my small world and got me out of myself. We found our spot for the next few days. Prayer, meditation, naps, reading, writing and sitting in the stream are the only agenda. Both of us are stressed and wondering what we got ourselves into, mixed with the excitement of acceptance and the great unknown. So sitting here now as I write to you, I’m in my swimsuit bottoms, flip flops, looking at a wooded hill, sunlight streaking though and I’m headed for a dip in the fresh mountain water to chill out... Heidi When one door closes, jump out the window! After having our expectation of being in our Hawaii home this summer taken away, we took a stint to integrate our new situation while staying in Lake Havasu Az for one month. It was wonderful to spend time with my family and I cried leaving them today! LIFE IS A MIXED BAG.
We have now set out on a 40 day road trip. We will be camping most of the time, and I will share our journey with you. It's exciting, uncomfortable and I have no idea what will happen or exactly where we will end up each day. My hope in sharing this with you is to inspire you to make the most of your time, your life, your choices, and to show you that even on a budget, you can travel. We planned this out with the same budget we would use in Hawaii. Im working while we are gone via phone and video conference with my clients and Jay is retired. I have always been driven to live an alternative lifestyle, and there are such creative ways to do it.. I look forward to sharing more... Heidi So all of us have plans, goals, dreams and expectations, and we all deal with those things not working out as planned. I’d like to offer my perspective on that. After having the loss of a few family members within a 3 year period, my attitude has changed. I began to ponder life. Life is really time spent. So how do you want to spend your time?
I used to think I was supposed to spend my time manifesting, creating the life I wanted. What I’ve realized is that while it’s important to have a direction, a desire, a goal, it’s even more important to be flexible. The thing I’ve noticed is that my attitude, beliefs and judgements are what allow anything that is happening to be enjoyable or not. I choose now, most of the time, to enjoy whatever is unfolding. I choose now to see ALL of life, yes even the frustrations and things that are “not going my way” as interesting, colorful parts of life. That even unexpected events can bring great blessings, or curious entertainment or learning. I’m not saying you have no effect on what happens, but I am saying you can’t control everything. Take the next right action that’s true for you, your goals, your values, and trust that the outcome, even if it’s unexpected, will be ok. I never knew I could be ok when my brother died, but I learned even grief is ok. I never thought I would be ok having my home in Hawaii under mandatory evacuation. Hawaii was one of my biggest, clearest dreams, goal and vision. Now I can’t be there. So I accept and enjoy and look for unexpected surprises. I’m not a victim of circumstances I can’t control, but I am a victim of my own outlook and attitude. So I choose adventure, flexibility, curiosity and presence and joy even in pain or loss. Life is amazing. Would you enjoy a movie if it was all perfect balance? Well, maybe perfect balance is ALL. Maybe there really isn’t good/bad.. maybe it’s ALL the current ever-changing reality to be witnessed, experienced and enjoyed. After all It all passes... Heidi People throw around the word commitment. But what exactly are you committed to? Today I’m pondering relationship commitment. Some people are committed to the institution of marriage, till death do us part. If you dig deeper what does that mean? For some that means they keep the marriage at all costs, whether they are happy or not. Are you committed to keeping the relationship good, fulfilling, and fun? I used to think I was committed to the relationship.
Now I understand, as an intimacy fanatic, it’s the person I’m committed to. I’m committed to me and to the people I’m in relationships with. Now I’m not talking about everyone. I’m talking about my children and my beloved. What that means to me is looking for each individuals needs, values, hopes and dreams, and the commitment is to help each other realize those and share life along the path. Sharing in awareness and reflection of each persons truth as it changes and unfolds is intimacy. I’m don’t believe people need to break up, split up or divorce, if the commitment is to more than the relationship. To me real commitment is even deeper then that. It’s really committing to all of life with each other, finding win wins, being flexible, cultivating new skills as needed, participating in each other’s joys and sorrows, sharing understanding and empathy, giving space, co-creation and finding solutions and resolutions together. The unfortunate part is that I have not found many people out there with this level of commitment. I know that the parents reading this who commit this way to their kids get it. So I wanna know, have you committed this way in love? We are all attached;
the Buddha says attachment is the cause of suffering. In 12 steps programs we say expectations are resentments waiting to happen. I’ve heard religious people say if you want to make God laugh tell him your plan. As painful as it is we cannot control others, our lives, or the outcome of certain situations. We can, one moment at a time, show up whole heartedly, doing our best in each given moment. How often do we judge another or ourselves, saying they should be different, or we should have known better? Judging is actually condemning another or ourselves. Now believe me, I’m not preaching, I’m as critical and judgmental as the next human. What I have experienced is that my judgement comes from non-acceptance of the current reality. I think it “should be some other way”- which usually stems from fear. Fear creeps up when I’m afraid of losing something I have or fear not getting something I want. Action driven by fear hurts ourselves and others. It has been my experience, when allowance happens, when acceptance is felt, when love is present, that we can take the next right action and leave the outcome to the spirit of the universe. We can control how we act or react, but sometimes even that is not within our control. So hold empathy and compassion for yourself and others as you get through being human. The lighter you hold it the more serenity, the more peace, the more allowance. You can’t push the river, but you can jump in and flow down to new shores. It’s hard to stay open in the face of fear, but when did being contracted, constricted, or frozen ever bring growth? We must face fear: face/everything/and/reveal. From complete vulnerability comes strength, from utter powerlessness comes true power, from surrender comes peace. It’s power verses force. True strength and courage comes from setting a course, course correcting along the way, letting go, showing up the best way you can, and trusting the results to the divine. Heidi I’m standing here by this sign that says, “hazardous cliff below.”
At the risk of pissing you off, I’m here to say BEING ALIVE is one BIG hazard. You could get in a car wreck, you could be raped or murdered, you could get your heart broken, and you can lose those you love and much much more. However, the biggest hazard of all is letting FEAR keep you from living a life unleashed. Have you dared to love wildly, with an open heart? Have you stood near the edge of a cliff and threw a rock off of it? Have you tried and failed and tried all over again? Have you done the things you’re afraid to do? Have you gone and done something you want even though you might have to put off being there for everyone else or doing all your responsibilities for a day? Have you told someone how you really felt even in the face of rejection? WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU HAD NO FEAR? I’m not preaching irresponsibility, most of you who even read my blog posts are probably over responsible. I’m preaching, be unleashed! I’m saying get in touch with the ferrel, wild, un-manicured you and do even your dishes that way, even if only for one day. Heidi
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